Three ring circus

Do you ever feel like you are standing in the middle of a three-ring circus?  There is so much going on around you that you are not sure if the elephants are coming out, the tightrope walkers are in the air, or if the motorcycles are going into the steel cage.   Infertility often puts us standing right there in the middle of the three ring circus not having any idea what is going on or what is coming next.

Infertility takes the three-ring circus to a completely new level because no ones three ring circus is the same.  I found myself standing in the middle of that three ring circus, as did Andrea, and you may have as well.  It becomes more difficult because none of us have the exact same circus.  Therefore, we feel alone because even if our friend has infertility her story is completely different that ours.

Can I let you in on a secret – you are not alone that is just satan trying to make you feel like you are.  Satan tries to make us feel broken, inadequate, alone, and not worthy.  Don’t buy those lies!  You are wonderfully made, you are a child of God, and you are worth the life of Jesus!

In those moments of the circus going wild where do you turn?  Even if your friend has a different circus, talk to her.  If your spouse isn’t aware of the circus going on in your mind, talk to him.  If you need a professional to talk to, do it!  Most importantly talk to your creator about it, God wants you to talk to Him.  He knew you before you were ever created, he loved you even before you were created, and he even knew you would have fertility issues before you were created.  Talk to Him, He already knows your thoughts, wants, and wishes; He still wants you to talk to Him.  How worthy does that make us that He wants us to talk to Him!

What is going on in your circus? Is the tent just being put up, are the acts going on all around you, or are the people leaving the show?

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Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is just a few days away.  When I was younger I would have never thought one holiday or day could be so difficult.  It is one day that you cannot escape it unless you stay home, keep your radio and tv turned off, and of course do not get on social media.  A day where every song, commercial, social media post, and person talks about mothers and children.  I know it is a difficult day for many women due to infertility.  Some do stay home, some skip certain events for the day.

This is a place where you can be real, be honest, and be you.  Do you stay home, read the Bible more, pray more, or just mentally shut down for the day waiting for it to pass?

How do you handle it?

Time

Do you ever have those seasons in life that you find yourself wondering where the time has gone?  Goodness, I didn’t realize how long it had been since we had written a post.  Let me apologize for being away for a while.  I am sorry that I have not kept my end of the responsibility of creating a community for all of us.

Andrea and I have been working on our ideas and plans for this blog, and will keep it active.  We would also love your input.  How can we help you through this journey?  What can we discuss to assist you?  What do you want to talk about?  Imagine we are sitting down together to chat – what would you want to talk about?

 

10 things you may not know about me

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Hey this is Chrissy, and I wanted to share some things about me that you may not know about me.

  1. Commercial jingles stick with me, and they may be repeated to you at random times.  You may hear about an insurance company, a drink maker, or a toy store.
  2.  I met my husband through my brother, they were best friends and on the volunteer fire department together.  I was on the auxiliary and so many of the guys were like brothers to me.  My brother is now a professional fire fighter, but my husband is no longer on the fire department.
  3. Myself, my husband, and my grandmother all have the same birth day – different years of course.  My grandmother always thought I was born 2 days after her birthday until she had to get a copy of her birth certificate and found out she was incorrect on her birthday.
  4. My first job was a telemarketer for a cemetery.  I had to call and schedule appointments for the sells representative to go out and try to sell plots to them.  I then worked as a hostess in a seafood restaurant, in child care as a 3 and 4 yr old teacher, at a law firm, and then in the District Attorney’s Office.  I now work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency.
  5. I was almost named Crystal Gayle after the singer, but thank goodness they changed their mind.  My oldest brother also ran away from home when I was born.  Granted he ran to our uncle’s house, but he still reminds me that he ran away.
  6. Sea turtles are my favorite animal. To learn about their odds just to make it from the nest to the ocean is inspiring.  The beach we go to always has sea turtle nests, and each year I stalk the nests just trying to see them making their journey, but I have never seen one hatch.
  7. I love the smell of tractors and tobacco curing.  I grew up on a tobacco farm and those smells take me back to memories of my family and especially my grandfather.  I was assigned the job of cutting the string on the stringer, driving the tractor, or helping at the barn.
  8. I do not handle emotion well.  Most of the time I bottle it up until it overflows and then the tears flow.  I feel like I have to be strong for others and if that means I cry in the shower of by myself then that is what happens.  I will of course talk about issues to my husband, family, and friends but there are lots of times that emotions overtake me.
  9. I have the support system ever!  They support all of my crazy ideas and ventures.  If it is something that will take 30 minutes or an all night Relay For Life event.  I do not know where I would be without them, but I do know that I would not be nearly as sane as I am today.  My best friends and I may not be able to decide on where to eat, but we can quickly decide to meet for lunch.
  10. The beach is my refreshing place.  When we worked in tobacco our payment every year was a trip to the beach.  My first trip with Steve was to the beach.  We got married at the beach.  The first time we thought I was pregnant was at the beach.  Two years later we went to the beach for our anniversary and a month later we found out I was pregnant.  I would love to live at the beach, but don’t tell Steve because the last time he mentioned it I wouldn’t discuss it because I want to be close to my family and friends.

What do we not know about you? Feel free to share below.

 

Upcoming studies

We are so excited about our 2 upcoming studies!!

August we will take a look at infertility in the Bible.  Who suffered from infertility, how did they handle, and what can we learn from it?

September we will be reading Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake and studying this amazing book.

We hope you will join us at Faith Like Hannah!

 

Hidden Hurt

Inside you feel like you are sinking.  Broken hearted, drowning in grief, or digging deeper into depression.  Do you hide your hurt?  Who do you hide it from?

For me I hid it from just about everyone – my friends, my family, my husband, and sometimes even from God.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I was imploding.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, what I had done wrong, or more importantly how to fix it.  I saw others get pregnant with what seemed like no issues (if they had infertility I didn’t know it).  I saw women upset that they had become pregnant, women not caring for the child they were carrying, or had already had.  I worked in a career that brought lots of people to my attention that were not caring for their children.  How could God give them a child or children but not me?

I finally realized that I couldn’t judge those women.  I didn’t know their story or their hurt.  Keep in mind that was a long road or realization, but I had to let go of that hurt.  Was it fair that I was dealing with infertility, no.  However, it was not my fault or the other women’s fault that I was dealing with infertility.  I couldn’t blame myself or blame them as they were just as innocent in my diagnosis as I was.  Plus, they had no idea what my story was so I couldn’t hold them responsible.

I was blessed with an amazing support system that I realized just how important they were.  They could lift my spirit, make me laugh when I wanted to cry, or if I cried they would join me.  We need to share our hurt and not keep it hidden.  It is not healthy to keep it bottled up.  At some point the pressure in that bottle will explode, and from my experience it typically does not explode at the best time, place, or person.

You may not have a huge support system, but you have us.  You may not know how to deal with the pressure building up, but we are here.  You may not know the best way to deal with how you feel, but we are here to listen.  Will you trust us, and remove the top from the bottle of emotions you are storing?  You may choose to completely remove the top, or maybe just release it a little at a time.  Regardless we are here, and want to support you on this journey.  Do not continue to hide your hurt, let yourself begin to heal your hurt.

Adult lesson from Vacation Bible School

I am a crew leader for 3-5 years old during my church’s vacation Bible school.  Last night was our first night, and boy did it speak to us as adults as well.  I am often amazed by how God relates everything back to ourselves, our lives, and our journey.

As adults we find our own faults and focus on those.  My hair is too straight, or too curly.  I do not like the freckles on my face.  I do not like the size of my chest, waist, or any other body part.  We then focus on these parts because we do not like them.  Have you ever stepped back to think that God created your body.  He knew how your hair, your face, and your body would be.  I am not saying just let yourself go and not take care of yourself because God made it, as we still need to take care of our body.  I am just saying that God loves us just as we are, so why do we not love ourselves?

God also knew that we would have infertility, so how do we handle that aspect?  God had a plan when he created us the way that he did.  We may not know that plan, but He does. He knew every part of our body just look at what the Bible tells us.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”   Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV) 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written
in your book before one of them came to be. 
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.  Psalm 139:13-18
You are probably wondering how this connects to vacation Bible school.  The memory verse for the children was Amazingly and Wonderfully Made (Psalm 139:13-16).  They had the children repeating I am wonderfully made Psalm 139:14.  To stand in a room with around 20 children yelling I am wonderfully made brought tears to my eyes.  Why can’t we as adults see it that way?  Why is it so hard for us to be content with our bodies.  I know the hurt and the pain of our bodies has a huge impact on our lives, but shouldn’t God have a bigger impact on our lives?
Later in the night they would ask the kids who made you and the kids would respond “God made me”.  They would scream this at the top of their lungs because of their joy in this statement.  We as adults need to remember that God made us too!  We need to be screaming that with excitement, we need to tell the world that, and tell each other that God made them as well.
I hope today you will take the time to remind yourself that you are wonderfully made by God!  How amazing is that to hear on a Monday morning!
Have a beautiful day!
~ Chrissy