10 things you may not know about me

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Hey this is Chrissy, and I wanted to share some things about me that you may not know about me.

  1. Commercial jingles stick with me, and they may be repeated to you at random times.  You may hear about an insurance company, a drink maker, or a toy store.
  2.  I met my husband through my brother, they were best friends and on the volunteer fire department together.  I was on the auxiliary and so many of the guys were like brothers to me.  My brother is now a professional fire fighter, but my husband is no longer on the fire department.
  3. Myself, my husband, and my grandmother all have the same birth day – different years of course.  My grandmother always thought I was born 2 days after her birthday until she had to get a copy of her birth certificate and found out she was incorrect on her birthday.
  4. My first job was a telemarketer for a cemetery.  I had to call and schedule appointments for the sells representative to go out and try to sell plots to them.  I then worked as a hostess in a seafood restaurant, in child care as a 3 and 4 yr old teacher, at a law firm, and then in the District Attorney’s Office.  I now work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency.
  5. I was almost named Crystal Gayle after the singer, but thank goodness they changed their mind.  My oldest brother also ran away from home when I was born.  Granted he ran to our uncle’s house, but he still reminds me that he ran away.
  6. Sea turtles are my favorite animal. To learn about their odds just to make it from the nest to the ocean is inspiring.  The beach we go to always has sea turtle nests, and each year I stalk the nests just trying to see them making their journey, but I have never seen one hatch.
  7. I love the smell of tractors and tobacco curing.  I grew up on a tobacco farm and those smells take me back to memories of my family and especially my grandfather.  I was assigned the job of cutting the string on the stringer, driving the tractor, or helping at the barn.
  8. I do not handle emotion well.  Most of the time I bottle it up until it overflows and then the tears flow.  I feel like I have to be strong for others and if that means I cry in the shower of by myself then that is what happens.  I will of course talk about issues to my husband, family, and friends but there are lots of times that emotions overtake me.
  9. I have the support system ever!  They support all of my crazy ideas and ventures.  If it is something that will take 30 minutes or an all night Relay For Life event.  I do not know where I would be without them, but I do know that I would not be nearly as sane as I am today.  My best friends and I may not be able to decide on where to eat, but we can quickly decide to meet for lunch.
  10. The beach is my refreshing place.  When we worked in tobacco our payment every year was a trip to the beach.  My first trip with Steve was to the beach.  We got married at the beach.  The first time we thought I was pregnant was at the beach.  Two years later we went to the beach for our anniversary and a month later we found out I was pregnant.  I would love to live at the beach, but don’t tell Steve because the last time he mentioned it I wouldn’t discuss it because I want to be close to my family and friends.

What do we not know about you? Feel free to share below.

 

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Upcoming studies

We are so excited about our 2 upcoming studies!!

August we will take a look at infertility in the Bible.  Who suffered from infertility, how did they handle, and what can we learn from it?

September we will be reading Hannah’s Hope by Jennifer Saake and studying this amazing book.

We hope you will join us at Faith Like Hannah!

 

Hidden Hurt

Inside you feel like you are sinking.  Broken hearted, drowning in grief, or digging deeper into depression.  Do you hide your hurt?  Who do you hide it from?

For me I hid it from just about everyone – my friends, my family, my husband, and sometimes even from God.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I was imploding.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, what I had done wrong, or more importantly how to fix it.  I saw others get pregnant with what seemed like no issues (if they had infertility I didn’t know it).  I saw women upset that they had become pregnant, women not caring for the child they were carrying, or had already had.  I worked in a career that brought lots of people to my attention that were not caring for their children.  How could God give them a child or children but not me?

I finally realized that I couldn’t judge those women.  I didn’t know their story or their hurt.  Keep in mind that was a long road or realization, but I had to let go of that hurt.  Was it fair that I was dealing with infertility, no.  However, it was not my fault or the other women’s fault that I was dealing with infertility.  I couldn’t blame myself or blame them as they were just as innocent in my diagnosis as I was.  Plus, they had no idea what my story was so I couldn’t hold them responsible.

I was blessed with an amazing support system that I realized just how important they were.  They could lift my spirit, make me laugh when I wanted to cry, or if I cried they would join me.  We need to share our hurt and not keep it hidden.  It is not healthy to keep it bottled up.  At some point the pressure in that bottle will explode, and from my experience it typically does not explode at the best time, place, or person.

You may not have a huge support system, but you have us.  You may not know how to deal with the pressure building up, but we are here.  You may not know the best way to deal with how you feel, but we are here to listen.  Will you trust us, and remove the top from the bottle of emotions you are storing?  You may choose to completely remove the top, or maybe just release it a little at a time.  Regardless we are here, and want to support you on this journey.  Do not continue to hide your hurt, let yourself begin to heal your hurt.

Adult lesson from Vacation Bible School

I am a crew leader for 3-5 years old during my church’s vacation Bible school.  Last night was our first night, and boy did it speak to us as adults as well.  I am often amazed by how God relates everything back to ourselves, our lives, and our journey.

As adults we find our own faults and focus on those.  My hair is too straight, or too curly.  I do not like the freckles on my face.  I do not like the size of my chest, waist, or any other body part.  We then focus on these parts because we do not like them.  Have you ever stepped back to think that God created your body.  He knew how your hair, your face, and your body would be.  I am not saying just let yourself go and not take care of yourself because God made it, as we still need to take care of our body.  I am just saying that God loves us just as we are, so why do we not love ourselves?

God also knew that we would have infertility, so how do we handle that aspect?  God had a plan when he created us the way that he did.  We may not know that plan, but He does. He knew every part of our body just look at what the Bible tells us.

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”   Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV) 

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. 
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. 
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written
in your book before one of them came to be. 
How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! 
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.  Psalm 139:13-18
You are probably wondering how this connects to vacation Bible school.  The memory verse for the children was Amazingly and Wonderfully Made (Psalm 139:13-16).  They had the children repeating I am wonderfully made Psalm 139:14.  To stand in a room with around 20 children yelling I am wonderfully made brought tears to my eyes.  Why can’t we as adults see it that way?  Why is it so hard for us to be content with our bodies.  I know the hurt and the pain of our bodies has a huge impact on our lives, but shouldn’t God have a bigger impact on our lives?
Later in the night they would ask the kids who made you and the kids would respond “God made me”.  They would scream this at the top of their lungs because of their joy in this statement.  We as adults need to remember that God made us too!  We need to be screaming that with excitement, we need to tell the world that, and tell each other that God made them as well.
I hope today you will take the time to remind yourself that you are wonderfully made by God!  How amazing is that to hear on a Monday morning!
Have a beautiful day!
~ Chrissy

Creating a Community

One reason for starting this blog is to create a community regarding infertility.  During the journey with infertility I often felt alone as I watched others get pregnant and have children.  Infertility makes you feel broken, alone, and unworthy.  Now lets look at that sentence again – satan makes you feel broken, alone, and unworthy.  Faith Like Hannah is a chance to change our mindset.  We do not want to disregard the pain of infertility, but instead create a community that supports, encourages, and uplifts each other.

We know that it is difficult to watch others get pregnant, but as sisters in Christ and as fellow infertile women shouldn’t we also see the joy?  I am not saying that you are not entitled to your emotions because you most definitely are.  I am just suggesting a community that is able to share the tears and the joys through the journey of infertility.

Imagine dealing with infertility and finally getting your miracle baby, but you no longer have friends around because their pain is too great.  Imagine being in a group regarding infertility and once you become pregnant you are no longer seen as “one of them”.  Imagine going through infertility with no one to encourage you, listen, or share the joy or pain.  A lot of times that is exactly what people with infertility experience.  We want to change that.  We want to share in the joy, pray and support in the pain.  Most importantly to be there for each other as a community.

We hope you will join this community and also help us to reach more people who so desperately need this type of community.

Galatians 6:2
Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.

Contentment

Content is seen as being peaceful or happiness. I think that we get so caught up in the worldly view of wanting more. For example, if you get a raise at work how long is it until you then want another raise. If you get a new car how long until you want a newer car. Or goodness the cell phones – as soon as you get a new phone they come out with a new version and you want it so much more than the phone that you already have. Keep in mind that the original raise, car, and phone were enough for what you need but it is no longer what you want.

When I was between jobs I truly struggled with being content.  I found myself in a place where funds were low, savings was disappearing, and bills were still due.  What was I going to do to help provide for my family and my child.  I had applied for so many jobs, gone to interviews, but still nothing had panned out.  I remember sitting on my couch and crying out to God to please help me, and lead me to a job that would cover the bills.  Within that week I was notified of a job, and soon had a job that would provide the finances needed for the bills.  Granted I was not happy in that job but I still praised and thanked God for providing for me.  I had time during my drive in the mornings to pray, but also thank him for the path he had provided.  How many times have you been in this exact same spot?  Maybe not about a job, but about something that as soon as you got it you realized you were blessed but also wanted more.

What areas do you need contentment? That is a hard question to answer during infertility because it isn’t just a raise, it is a life. It is a child, carrying on a family name, etc and it hurts. However, we need to pray for contentment, maybe just contentment with God’s plan. What area will you pray for contentment with?

 

 

Day 1 – Prayer for Clarity

“Your own ears will hear him.  Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left.” ~ Isaiah 30:21

 

Another translation words it as “this is the way turn around here” and it is from the Blessings for the Lord’s people.

To me this confirms that He will always be with us, listens for us to ask him for direction and clarity. We also have to be sure that we listen for his direction. If He says to go to the right why would you go to the left? He sees the big picture while we only see the small puzzle pieces. Do you trust the path he says to take? More importantly do you trust God?

We often think that we have all of the answers, but our answers are often tainted by the wants of the flesh, the desires that we have, and with infertility all of the emotions we have take a role as well.  I remember thinking maybe this is what he wants for me, or maybe this, or maybe this.  The whole time I was not listening for his direction for me.  I was working from emotion, want, desire, and my own agenda.  Entering into infertility my husband and I decided how far treatment wise we would go.  This was a personal decision for us, and I am so glad that we made this committed decision prior to starting on the infertility journey.  Knowing that we had made that decision beforehand took the option of changing our mind along the path.  There were times that I could clearly hear God telling me to wait, and those were reassuring moments but then my own mind would start running through options.  I had to silence my own mind and keep repeating his words to me.  What if the path didn’t involve me having a child was I okay with that?  My husband told me one day that even if we didn’t have a child we still had a good life.  That was hard for me to hear but also exactly what I needed to hear.

 How can we be sure we are listening for clarity?  What do you need clarity on? Maybe what treatment, what medication, or maybe God’s plan for your life.

Lord, we come to you asking you for clarity during infertility.  Clear our minds of our own thoughts and allow us to clearly hear you and which way you want us to turn.  Lord we want to silence ourselves so that we can hear you, grow closer to you, and affirm that we trust you.  Lord you know what tomorrow holds, as well as what years from now hold.  We struggle with knowing what today holds, and we ask for your clarity on your plan for us.  Does your plan involve more treatment, more waiting, children, adoption, or no children.  Lord we struggle with the thought of our future not involving children, but we know we can trust you.  Please make our thoughts, prayers, and paths clear. In your holy name we pray Amen.

~ Chrissy