10 things you may not know about me

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Hey this is Chrissy, and I wanted to share some things about me that you may not know about me.

  1. Commercial jingles stick with me, and they may be repeated to you at random times.  You may hear about an insurance company, a drink maker, or a toy store.
  2.  I met my husband through my brother, they were best friends and on the volunteer fire department together.  I was on the auxiliary and so many of the guys were like brothers to me.  My brother is now a professional fire fighter, but my husband is no longer on the fire department.
  3. Myself, my husband, and my grandmother all have the same birth day – different years of course.  My grandmother always thought I was born 2 days after her birthday until she had to get a copy of her birth certificate and found out she was incorrect on her birthday.
  4. My first job was a telemarketer for a cemetery.  I had to call and schedule appointments for the sells representative to go out and try to sell plots to them.  I then worked as a hostess in a seafood restaurant, in child care as a 3 and 4 yr old teacher, at a law firm, and then in the District Attorney’s Office.  I now work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency.
  5. I was almost named Crystal Gayle after the singer, but thank goodness they changed their mind.  My oldest brother also ran away from home when I was born.  Granted he ran to our uncle’s house, but he still reminds me that he ran away.
  6. Sea turtles are my favorite animal. To learn about their odds just to make it from the nest to the ocean is inspiring.  The beach we go to always has sea turtle nests, and each year I stalk the nests just trying to see them making their journey, but I have never seen one hatch.
  7. I love the smell of tractors and tobacco curing.  I grew up on a tobacco farm and those smells take me back to memories of my family and especially my grandfather.  I was assigned the job of cutting the string on the stringer, driving the tractor, or helping at the barn.
  8. I do not handle emotion well.  Most of the time I bottle it up until it overflows and then the tears flow.  I feel like I have to be strong for others and if that means I cry in the shower of by myself then that is what happens.  I will of course talk about issues to my husband, family, and friends but there are lots of times that emotions overtake me.
  9. I have the support system ever!  They support all of my crazy ideas and ventures.  If it is something that will take 30 minutes or an all night Relay For Life event.  I do not know where I would be without them, but I do know that I would not be nearly as sane as I am today.  My best friends and I may not be able to decide on where to eat, but we can quickly decide to meet for lunch.
  10. The beach is my refreshing place.  When we worked in tobacco our payment every year was a trip to the beach.  My first trip with Steve was to the beach.  We got married at the beach.  The first time we thought I was pregnant was at the beach.  Two years later we went to the beach for our anniversary and a month later we found out I was pregnant.  I would love to live at the beach, but don’t tell Steve because the last time he mentioned it I wouldn’t discuss it because I want to be close to my family and friends.

What do we not know about you? Feel free to share below.

 

Hidden Hurt

Inside you feel like you are sinking.  Broken hearted, drowning in grief, or digging deeper into depression.  Do you hide your hurt?  Who do you hide it from?

For me I hid it from just about everyone – my friends, my family, my husband, and sometimes even from God.  I didn’t want anyone to know that I was imploding.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me, what I had done wrong, or more importantly how to fix it.  I saw others get pregnant with what seemed like no issues (if they had infertility I didn’t know it).  I saw women upset that they had become pregnant, women not caring for the child they were carrying, or had already had.  I worked in a career that brought lots of people to my attention that were not caring for their children.  How could God give them a child or children but not me?

I finally realized that I couldn’t judge those women.  I didn’t know their story or their hurt.  Keep in mind that was a long road or realization, but I had to let go of that hurt.  Was it fair that I was dealing with infertility, no.  However, it was not my fault or the other women’s fault that I was dealing with infertility.  I couldn’t blame myself or blame them as they were just as innocent in my diagnosis as I was.  Plus, they had no idea what my story was so I couldn’t hold them responsible.

I was blessed with an amazing support system that I realized just how important they were.  They could lift my spirit, make me laugh when I wanted to cry, or if I cried they would join me.  We need to share our hurt and not keep it hidden.  It is not healthy to keep it bottled up.  At some point the pressure in that bottle will explode, and from my experience it typically does not explode at the best time, place, or person.

You may not have a huge support system, but you have us.  You may not know how to deal with the pressure building up, but we are here.  You may not know the best way to deal with how you feel, but we are here to listen.  Will you trust us, and remove the top from the bottle of emotions you are storing?  You may choose to completely remove the top, or maybe just release it a little at a time.  Regardless we are here, and want to support you on this journey.  Do not continue to hide your hurt, let yourself begin to heal your hurt.

Contentment

Content is seen as being peaceful or happiness. I think that we get so caught up in the worldly view of wanting more. For example, if you get a raise at work how long is it until you then want another raise. If you get a new car how long until you want a newer car. Or goodness the cell phones – as soon as you get a new phone they come out with a new version and you want it so much more than the phone that you already have. Keep in mind that the original raise, car, and phone were enough for what you need but it is no longer what you want.

When I was between jobs I truly struggled with being content.  I found myself in a place where funds were low, savings was disappearing, and bills were still due.  What was I going to do to help provide for my family and my child.  I had applied for so many jobs, gone to interviews, but still nothing had panned out.  I remember sitting on my couch and crying out to God to please help me, and lead me to a job that would cover the bills.  Within that week I was notified of a job, and soon had a job that would provide the finances needed for the bills.  Granted I was not happy in that job but I still praised and thanked God for providing for me.  I had time during my drive in the mornings to pray, but also thank him for the path he had provided.  How many times have you been in this exact same spot?  Maybe not about a job, but about something that as soon as you got it you realized you were blessed but also wanted more.

What areas do you need contentment? That is a hard question to answer during infertility because it isn’t just a raise, it is a life. It is a child, carrying on a family name, etc and it hurts. However, we need to pray for contentment, maybe just contentment with God’s plan. What area will you pray for contentment with?