10 things you may not know about me

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Hey this is Chrissy, and I wanted to share some things about me that you may not know about me.

  1. Commercial jingles stick with me, and they may be repeated to you at random times.  You may hear about an insurance company, a drink maker, or a toy store.
  2.  I met my husband through my brother, they were best friends and on the volunteer fire department together.  I was on the auxiliary and so many of the guys were like brothers to me.  My brother is now a professional fire fighter, but my husband is no longer on the fire department.
  3. Myself, my husband, and my grandmother all have the same birth day – different years of course.  My grandmother always thought I was born 2 days after her birthday until she had to get a copy of her birth certificate and found out she was incorrect on her birthday.
  4. My first job was a telemarketer for a cemetery.  I had to call and schedule appointments for the sells representative to go out and try to sell plots to them.  I then worked as a hostess in a seafood restaurant, in child care as a 3 and 4 yr old teacher, at a law firm, and then in the District Attorney’s Office.  I now work at a domestic violence and sexual assault agency.
  5. I was almost named Crystal Gayle after the singer, but thank goodness they changed their mind.  My oldest brother also ran away from home when I was born.  Granted he ran to our uncle’s house, but he still reminds me that he ran away.
  6. Sea turtles are my favorite animal. To learn about their odds just to make it from the nest to the ocean is inspiring.  The beach we go to always has sea turtle nests, and each year I stalk the nests just trying to see them making their journey, but I have never seen one hatch.
  7. I love the smell of tractors and tobacco curing.  I grew up on a tobacco farm and those smells take me back to memories of my family and especially my grandfather.  I was assigned the job of cutting the string on the stringer, driving the tractor, or helping at the barn.
  8. I do not handle emotion well.  Most of the time I bottle it up until it overflows and then the tears flow.  I feel like I have to be strong for others and if that means I cry in the shower of by myself then that is what happens.  I will of course talk about issues to my husband, family, and friends but there are lots of times that emotions overtake me.
  9. I have the support system ever!  They support all of my crazy ideas and ventures.  If it is something that will take 30 minutes or an all night Relay For Life event.  I do not know where I would be without them, but I do know that I would not be nearly as sane as I am today.  My best friends and I may not be able to decide on where to eat, but we can quickly decide to meet for lunch.
  10. The beach is my refreshing place.  When we worked in tobacco our payment every year was a trip to the beach.  My first trip with Steve was to the beach.  We got married at the beach.  The first time we thought I was pregnant was at the beach.  Two years later we went to the beach for our anniversary and a month later we found out I was pregnant.  I would love to live at the beach, but don’t tell Steve because the last time he mentioned it I wouldn’t discuss it because I want to be close to my family and friends.

What do we not know about you? Feel free to share below.

 

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Infertility still hurts

Infertility is such a confusing, hurtful, emotional, and mental attack that it changes everything in your life.  You may think this goes away once you have a child, but I have found that it doesn’t.  I still have lots of beautiful, strong, encouraging women around me dealing with infertility.  We laugh together, cry together, and find our way through this journey together.

When I had Emma I couldn’t wait for everyone to see her, and meet her.  However, I have a friend that when she walked through the door at the hospital I had to take a deep breath and fight back tears.  She had been on this journey with me, but I didn’t know if Emma would hurt her.  Not the typical hurt, but the emotional hurt.  This friend is the one that I dreaded telling that I was pregnant because I didn’t want our friendship to hurt, and I didn’t want this announcement to hurt her.  Instead, she kept asking about my next doctors appointment, and when I was going.  I tried to blow it off by saying oh I had to reschedule, but she stayed persistent asking questions.  Finally I said I am not going because I am already pregnant.  Before I could finish “pregnant” she jumped in my lap hugging me.  It had gone so much better than I imagined, so how would this first time of seeing Emma go?  As she walked in I just reached my hands out to hand Emma to her.  Needless to say the visit went well, and we both did good because we didn’t cry.  When that same friend would have a bad doctor’s appointment she would ask for me to bring Emma by to see her.  Each time I would ask if she was sure because I didn’t want Em to bring more pain.  She would reassure me that it would help not hurt.  Now if you have never experienced infertility I will let you in on a little secret.  Infertility impacts your mind to the point that you find yourself hating pregnant women.  Strangers, friends, or family members it doesn’t matter it just hurts you so the defense is you don’t like them.  I would take Em to visit and for that time frame I just let the friend take care of her, hold her, and feed her.  I wanted the friend to experience the peace and love of a baby even if it wasn’t her own.  the friend now calls Emma “puddle” because she says Emma melts her.

While that visit was the first infertility experience after having Emma, it wasn’t the first slap in the face of infertility for me.  After having Emma I was thanking God for giving me this wonderful blessing, and enjoying every minute of her.  I never complained about the pregnancy, the labor, or any of the rough days.  Everything was good until my cycle stared back.  That first one after having Em was BAM in the face reminder of all of the negative tests and infertility.  The reminder of all of the times I thought I was pregnant only to find out I wasn’t.  The reminder of the hurt, the pain, the questions, and the miracle in the other room.

Since I started talking about infertility I have realized how complex infertility is.  Once you get pregnant it is like others with infertility don’t want you around because you are now what they hate.  Then other pregnant women don’t want to hear about infertility because it doesn’t make sense to them.  Now you are lucky if you keep infertile friends, and if you go through parenting with someone else who dealt with infertility.  I am so lucky to have friends in both of these categories.

Infertility is tricky.  You catch little details like the length of time they tried to get pregnant, the number of treatments, the number of medications, and the amount of “work” they put into their infertility.  However, that shouldn’t be the focus.  The focus should be on encouraging each other and uplifting each other.  I have formed so many wonderful relationships through this journey.  I hope I am able to encourage others through my journey, and show them that there is hope.

I still have fears from infertility and grieve because of infertility.  What if I was so selfish to have a child that she has my smile, my tiny little toe, but also my infertility?  What if I cause her to have the same pain from infertility?  I grieve for women who may never hold their babies this side of heaven.  I grieve for the women who have to say goodbye to their baby before they ever say hello.  I also grieve for the friends who do not know what to say for they do not understand that sometimes no words are the best ones.  I am an open book about infertility so if you have questions feel free to ask.

~Chrissy

Why is sharing my story important?

While praying about starting all of this infertility stuff – this blog, the Facebook page, the Facebook group I kept asking myself why is sharing my story important? What will I accomplish by sharing my story? How will I be able to help others?  After a lot of thought I wanted to share with you why sharing my story is important.

Most importantly because God brought me through the darkest valley of infertility.  During this valley I was able to grow closer to God, grow as a christian, grow as a person, and most of all just grow.  God was the biggest support that I had during infertility.  I had amazing friends and family but I decided not to share this valley with all of them.  I hid negative pregnancy tests from my husband, why would I then share with so many other people my hurt?  I was selfish, I made it about me when I should have been making it about God.  God was there waiting for me to turn to Him, cry out to Him, and most of all trust Him.

Sharing my story lets others know that they are not alone.  So many women and couples go through infertility and satan whispers in your ear that you are alone, you are broken, you do not deserve a child.  That is so untrue, but as long as we are quiet and do not share our story then those with infertility will continue to feel alone.  We can come together to support each other and let them know they are not alone, they are not broken, and they are deserving.

Here is the catch to all of this though, sharing your story is important as well.  All of us have not had the same journey, but I bet we have felt a lot of the same emotions.  We have had the same thoughts, we have had the same envy, and we have had the same hurt.  We all should share our stories so that we can help each other!

Will you share your story? Remember your story is important too.

Chrissy